The Girl World.

I recently attended an amazing documentary, Finding Kind, produced by an old middle school friend and creator of The Kind Campaign, “A movement and documentary, based upon the powerful belief in KINDness, that brings awareness and healing to the negative and lasting effects of girl-against-girl "crime".”

I left the documentary feeling both sad and inspired. It was devastating to watch the testimonies of these young women who have been both the victim the antagonist of girl –against-girl crime; this need to fit-in or feel superior to others, at the expense of others. These two girls traveled throughout the United States, to small towns, big cities, private and public schools, coming out with the same results. Girls can be vicious, catty and mean.

I’ve never liked cliques, ever. Since I was a little girl, I’ve always had diverse groups of friends. My “public school” friends, my “private school” friends, my “neighborhood” friends.. I loved all of my friends equally and have never been a fan of exclusivity. It probably helped that I was a tomboy, and spent most of my time trying to race boys at recess. But nevertheless, I was never too involved in cliques. Does this mean I’ve never been part of a clique? Of course not, I’m human, and a girl.

I never felt this dying need to fit in with the popular crowd until about 7^th grade. I transferred from a small private school, to a much larger public middle school. It was very much a culture shock for me; all the girls seemed much more “mature” and well-versed in topics I knew nothing about-(boys, sex, fashion). There was very much a hierarchy in this environment- the queen bee(s), the followers, the enemies and everyone else. I left my small private school because as I so frankly put it to my parents “I needed more variety” in people. Well, my wish was my command--from 32 students per grade to about 332, I was immersed into the gossip, the banter, the rumors, and the drama on a much larger scale.

From 7^th grade all the way to sorority life, I have both witnessed and experienced the girl world. [I mustn’t complain, I am truly blessed with the best of friends from childhood, through today]-however, I’ve had my fair share of run-ins with the girl drama, and have always found it extremely disheartening that women can’t just get along without the gossip, the judgment and the exclusivity.

With shows like, “The Real Housewives”, “Gossip Girl”, & “The Hills”…it’s no wonder women find it completely acceptable to treat each other like the enemy. These shows glorify the idea of the “queen bee” & makes people want to believe that being catty is cool. I watch these shows in pure amazement, analyzing the trends and similarities-- there are always two women that clash, one that medals between, one that “doesn’t want the drama” and the rest who flock to whomever is the most liked that day (heaven forbid somebody is left out of the group). Of course, these shows are created for just that, the drama, and with no blame but to ourselves these ratings are high and allow for season after season of the banter and callousness. 

I get it, women will be women. We will always overanalyze, we will always take it personal, and we will always want to be liked. But we don’t always have to be catty, talk negatively about our “friends”, purposively exclude somebody, “hate” a girl for no reason (ahum, jealousy). This behavior really won’t make us feel better; it will only increase the insecurity in which this all stems from.

[The bully in school is always the loneliest inside.]

My hope is that women can try to change they way they view other women, stop comparing and start caring. We don’t have to all be best friends, but we don’t have to all be bitches either.

Reach out to the girl who isn’t just like you; stop placing immediate judgment on the gorgeous girl with great style, smile at the coworker who always makes snide remarks.

Kindess really is contagious and women are strong and beautiful beings—if we could start thinking kind, I think this girl world could be a much happier, healthier place.

Tis the Season to Indulge...

It's that time of year again, the time when we gather around the table with family and friends to indulge in copious amounts of food, drink and laughter.

Although I am no chef, I definitely enjoy trying.

Without a doubt, my gorgonzola pear H' orderves are always a hit and never last more than 20 minutes at any given get-together.

Trust me, after you make these delicious delicacies, you’re credibility (and party invites) will increase!

Bon appetit!  

Honey, Pear and Gorgonzola Crostini

14-16 slices multi-grain French bread
1 large pear, thinly sliced
3 oz. gorgonzola cheese, crumbled
½ tsp. red pepper flakes
2 Tbl. honey
2 Tbl. olive oil

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  Brush each side of the bread with olive oil and evenly space on a sheet pan.  Toast in the oven for 1 – 2 minutes.  Layer each slice with gorgonzola cheese and 1 – 2 pear slices.  Toast for an additional 2 – 3 minutes, or until the cheese has softened.  Drizzle each with honey and sprinkle with red pepper flakes before serving.

The Awkward Stage

They always say that puberty is the most awkward stage in most of our lives, and I, like most, agreed with this statement. That was, until my “Post Graduation Life” began. Fresh out of college and ready to conquer the world—master plans to be and do something so extraordinary they would write about it someday. Then reality sinks in. Residing with your parents, slapped with bills, responsibilities & a 3 month expiration date to get a “real” job. Problem was, there were limited "real" jobs out there. With thousands of qualified post-grads just like we, how would it be possible to land our dream jobs before putting ourselves into debt? So, we settle and take a job that seems sufficient enough to peak our interest and most importantly start life standing on our own two feet (and off the parents payroll). Who knew car insurance, cell phones, gas, rent and utilities were so costly? The life of 4 day weekends, 5 nights of drinking & spontaneous trips are filed away under “the good ol’ days” and we embark into the world as nearly broke young professionals--Or as I like to call it, the “awkward stage”.

This is the point in most of our lives where the reevaluating begins--Priorities, relationships, career paths. Our elders telling us that experience & longevities are the golden ticket to success. While the wise warn that nothing compares to youth, “follow your passions”, they say.

Passions, eh? I am passionate about a magnitude of things in life, I’m aware of my strengths & weaknesses. I’ve read the books, I’ve done the research. How do I get to that place? Most of my friends are in similar situations, either working or attending grad school, figuring themselves out. We often talk about where we see ourselves going in life—mostly the conversation results in “I don’t exactly know yet”. I regularly hear my older coworker’s utter “oh I always thought I’d be lawyer or fashion designer, but somehow the years passed and I’ve found my place for now.”

Would that be me? I wonder.

For some reason, the topic of careers and success has always fascinated me- especially at my stage in the game...

I recently read a neat Vogue article about a woman who at 35 years old decided she wasn’t doing what she loved. She was a successful practicing lawyer with a great husband and children. Everything about her life was amazing on paper, but not in her heart. She woke up one day and pursued her true passion, reporting. After a great deal of persistence and hard work she became the morning host of a very popular Fox News program. Inspiring

Regardless of the circumstances we face, I think it’s safe to say that most of us have had those pondering life moments of confusion. After all, it is a unique situation to be in; that uneasy yet exciting feeling that you can become whatever you desire. So maybe this "awkward stage" isn't so awkward in the end, sure I might still feel awkward, but perhaps it is this uncertainty that will bring me where I need to go.  

So, we might not be doing exactly what we had expected right now, but the possibilities in life are endless. We must embrace the unknown and enthusiastically pursue our future. I realize it will be uncomfortable at times and I can assure it will not be as glamorous as hoped, but if the mind is set on that big picture, you never know what will happen.

As the brilliant Diane Von Furstenberg once said "I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I always knew the woman I wanted to be"